Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I realized last night that I have a 3:1 ratio of miscarriages to live births.  It's better than a ratio that has no live births but it still sucks.

My best friends niece is in the hospital having her baby.  I'm just ever so slightly jealous.  One of my coworkers is in her 7th month of pregnancy.  I had to work next to her my last shift.  I had such a hard time not crying every time I looked at her belly.  Another coworker finds out what she is having next month.  There was three of us pregnant.  There are still three people pregnant, as one of my bosses announced her pregnancy on Sunday.  She is due at the end of July, so the same month I was, just the opposite end.  She will be going through all the milestones at the same time as I was supposed to.  I actually gave her my leftover pregnancy tests one I had my positive.  I asked for any she has left back.

I am thinking about talking to my mental health doctor about something short term for depression and anxiety with the miscarriage and the holidays all crashing on me at the same time.  I'm not sure what I would ask for though.  Because I want to get pregnant again in the next couple of months, I don't want to start my bipolar medicine again.

The doctor said I could get pregnant after a cycle or two.  He said that it didn't really matter if I got pregnant right away or not, that waiting was just so that we would have a better idea for dating the pregnancy.  I actually want to wait until January/February anyhow, because I had the girlchild in August, and I got pregnant in December, and I would really like her to not have to share her birthday.  So, I am going to hold off, even though it is hard.

Sorry if I have repeated things.  I realized after writing that I am not sure what I have written before during this, and I didn't want to go back and reread my past posts.

Once again, I want to say thank you for everyones kind words.


Celia said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult and in your face when someone you see frequently is due at the same time you were. My friend called it a shadow baby. I see one every time I visit my best friend. It has changed over the years from searing pain to a kind of wistfulness.

I was not allowed to go on antidepressants while TTC, and had great results from Dr. Jeffrey Thompson's cds. You can google him.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you a big hug!