I hate doctors

So I haven't gotten the results of my blood draw yet, the doctors office just hasn't called me back.  I have been calling since Tuesday with the response that the nurse will call me back.  Needless to say, I'm finding a new doctor.

The doctor I want is in the same office as the doctor that delivered my daughter, or would have, had she shown up.  She was late to all my appointments, no wonder she was late to my delivery.  Even though she induced me.  I really don't want her, so I called the office and asked if I could make an appointment with another doctor in their clinic.  They have to OK it with management and my prior doctor.  Since she wouldn't let me switch when I was pregnant, she won't let me switch now.  So, I need to look at another clinic. 

One thing that pisses me off about the doctor I was seeing this time is that nothing was even said about why this might have happened.  He didn't even seem curious.  It was more, ok, you lost the baby, lets make sure its all gone, then have a couple cycles and try again.  Wouldn't you think since I have lost 6 that there would be some concern as to why it happened?  Especially since I was on the progesterone?  And no real mention of treating the next pregnancy any different than this one, which I was already unhappy about.



I want to yell at him, I am not some normal OB patient.  This is not a one time thing, this miscarriage.  It has happened before.  It will probably happen again.  I am no longer an optimist when I get pregnant.

Sigh.

I had to avoid yelling at this girl I really like at work yesterday.  She told me that obviously it wasn't time yet for me to have another baby, God had grand plans, but we don't know what they are, and that when the time is right, I will have a full term pregnancy. 

I am thinking, what the hell.  One, we are friends outside of work.  She knows my belief system does not include the Christian God, not do I think that miscarriages are part of any gods plan.  I do not think that they are anything but BIOLOGY gone wrong.  That being said, even if I did believe in her God, why would any god want you to get pregnant and then lose it?  What the hell kind of plan is that?  On top of that, hello, it wasn't the right time for me to have a baby?  But it was the right time for me to lose one??  Why?  Some grand lesson?  Sorry, learned it the first 5 times, didn't need the refresher course. 

Sigh.

I want to do a post on this contest that Creating Motherhood is doing, because she is giving away a $500 gift card, and I need to be able to get to Portl.and to see my family for Christmas, but I am not going to have the money to be able to.  That $500 would help and then some, as well as allowing me to buy presents for my aunts kids, since they are going to be having a pretty crappy Christmas.  Money was already going to be tight, they cut my hours to less than 6 a week when I had to go see my aunt before her surgery, and I lost two days at work due to the miscarriage already, Thanksgiving when I started bleeding really heavy, and Monday when I didn't want to work after seeing either an empty womb or a dead baby, and I asked for it off on Thursday, when we really weren't sure what was going to happen.  So, Christmas is going to be hard.  But, I don't want to be blogging about loss, and miscarriage, and then suddenly have this post in the middle about this giveaway, trying to pimp it out to give myself a chance to win money.  So, I mentioned it here, but I didn't blog it, so I won't add the links and I won't ask for the 10 extra entries.

I hate the holidays.