Monday, September 05, 2011

Too Eager

It's been so long since I have been in this game, I have forgotten the little things. Like looking for the pregnancy symptoms before wanting to pee on a stick. I have none. I usually have one, very very prominent one, that happens with every pregnancy. My nipples hurt so bad I want to get rid of them for good. That has not happened, which is a really good way to tell that I just need to wait for my period to show up, and not waste any kind of money on a pregnancy test.

Taking a pregnancy test is one of those things that is very hard to say, no, its not something I need to do. I am working really hard at saying, hey, your body is showing no signs of being pregnant, there is no point. You have 2 days to wait until your period should show up, and then we will start trying again.

School starts for the boychild this week. I've met his teacher, and she seems nice. I have bus anxiety, they give us a bis list, but we have to figure out what bus he is on ourselves, and there are two buses that come to our house, so it really doesn't help. So, we will be outside, asking the bus driver which bus he is to take. Last year he took the wrong bus, which got him to school a whole lot faster than the correct bus, giving him more time for breakfast at school. He gets free breakfast and lunch, and he loves eating there. I have fed him at home, and he still goes and gets breakfast. He was late to class on the days that I took him to school after he had breakfast here, because he went to get breakfast at school. So, I don't even try to feed him here anymore.

My school starts at the end of the month, and I ordered my books yesterday. I get to go pick them up around the 24th. Then I also start my job at the end of this month. I am working in the computer lab at school, helping people who need help with the computers. This will be my first term that I get to work, and I should be working 15 hours a week. I go to class two days a week, and then I take the rest of my classes online. Part of me wishes that the girlchild had a class to go to too, she wants to go to school desperately. I will be trying to get her into a dance class and a music class when our school money comes in.

We get our school money the first week in October, and since we have been very very poor for the last couple of months, bad budgeting, lol, though we did pay all the bills, so it was more that we didn't have a ton of money to just splurge, I asked the boychild what he would like more than anything else. He said fruit loops. I have an odd child. Of course, we don't eat a lot of sugary cereals here, or anything else. He had pie for breakfast this morning, and he actually didn't eat it. Strange children. Of course, if we go out anywhere, and eat, the boychild begs for rootbeer, the girlchild says, I'll have a water. And she eats no carbs.

Anyhow, long post of really nothing to say. Pretty common with me, haha.


Cinderella said...

I know you really want a third child, and have a lot of love to give.

So uhmmm, this could be a really stupid question, so I apologize in advance, it's coming from someone without any kids (except my cat, which the census takers don't count:).

If money is that tight (which I totally get since 3/4 of the US is in thatt position right now), how will you be able to feed, clothe, educate, buy toys for, take to the pediatrician, etc., etc. a new baby?

Won't that be putting an enormous amount of additional stress on you when you are already struggling?

I hate the stress and worry of being in debt. It terrifies me and makes for sleepless nights, so much anxiety about not being able to pay all of the bills, trying to climb out of a hole that just seems to be never endingly deep.

How will you manage with three when it is hard now with two?

Brokenornot said...

We have insurance, so the medical bills are taken care of, that's easy. We are tight more in the act that this is the last month before we get money, but the bills are all paid, we have plenty of food, it's just going and doing extra things, like going out to eat, or to movies, etc. We wouldn't have been as tight, but our car got a cracked block in the engine, or something like that, haha, and we had to buy a new mini van in June, so we had to put that into the budget, but we were able to.

As for clothes, and diapers, and toys, we have all that already. And I breastfeed, we have never used a bottle, or formula.

We also went to Disneyland in May, so that helped with the tightness. :) We are starving students right now, moneywise, but my husband will be finishing school this year, and will be going to work after that, and I will finish the year after that. That's one of the biggest reasons I am doing the timing this way, this way I can be taking my classes while taking care of a baby, instead of putting a baby in daycare while I work. This way I can take my classes online, like I have been, and stay home, and nurse, and care for a baby. I haven't yet put a single child in daycare, and I don't plan on doing it now.

I can talk about being tight, and being really really poor, but we have gone to Disneyland 2 times in the last 4 years, we have bought 2 minivans, the first one we went cheap, and got what we paid for, this time we went with something not so cheap, but that we could pay off immediately. We have gone crabbing several times this summer, and fishing, and to Seattle. We have gone to the lake several times. We didn't go camping, but more because I chose not to deal with the putting up and taking down of it. We instead had bonfires at the lake.

When I asked the boychild what he wanted when we got money, I was hoping he would say Chucky Cheese of something, you know, fun, haha. A splurge.

My kids have so many toys you can't see through them, they are totally spoiled. We have 2 computers, a flat screen tv, a wii, lots of games, etc. We aren't living in total poverty. As soon as I start working this term, we won't even have our tight spots we are having now.

I guess I say I'm poor poor poor because we can't just take money now and do whatever. We are always tight right before term starts.

As for education, we have a savings account for each child for college, and I homeschool until they get into public school. It works, my son is top of his class, or at least he was in kindergarten, and since he has been working hard all summer at reading, I think he will be good.

I don't take offense at all to your question. I've always wanted a big family, and while I know I can't afford to have a ton of kids, three is kind of at least where I want to end with. I don't feel done. We were really really poor when we had the boychild, beyond anything I ever want to deal with again. We made it though, and dealing with infertility, there was a matter of wait and never have kids, or just get it done, however you can. I'm at that same place now, even if it is number three.

Cinderella said...

Makes total sense and thank you for explaining because it is clear you have thought everyhting out and planned very logically. I totally get it now. Sometimes with blogging you only get part of a picture.

Happy Monday to you and all those you love, past, present and future:)

Jessica said...

How was that nothing to say? I think it said lots....Silly Fish! =))